From Addiction to Recovery
Posted on June 09, 2017
As Rachael neared the end of a program at Missiondale, she felt quite proud of herself for recovering from her addiction and learning about how she wants to continue to live her life. To become a drug addict, lose herself, lie to herself and those around her and, hurt people was not what she intended at all. Rachael values Missiondale for being a unique and accommodating place which she starting calling home. She finished her current program with Missiondale and stayed to complete the next stage program.
Here’s Rachael’s story:
I’ve done what I consider to be terrible, terrible things.
When I look back now, if the addiction itself and the behaviours that came from that didn’t kill me, the guilt and shame from all of that at times made me want to take my own life.
It’s been a very long journey since I first arrived at Missiondale. I was one very sick lady, both physically and mentally. I have no qualms at all in saying that if I hadn’t had somewhere such as Missiondale to go, I don’t know what would have become of me.
My life was out of control – alcohol ruled. It would be the first thing I would think about and have in the morning. I’m ashamed to tell you how much I would drink, every day, all day. Other medications thrown into this scenario only exacerbated my problems.
I have a history of depression and I have been diagnosed with bi-polar, so the mixture of prescribed medications and alcohol lead me in psychosis. Not a pleasant sight or experience for anyone involved. At my worst, which was an ever increasing event, I would have no recall of what I’d done.
To be told the next day by those that love you what you have done is crippling. Now I often think of it as a very scary, unrealistic and exhausting way to be living.
The things I do care about and love – my family, friends, job and commitments, were very much on the sidelines and I was causing hurt, pain and worry to others that I didn’t understand or take on board at the time.
I am so lucky I have loving and forgiving family, friends and even work colleagues. They have supported me throughout all my problems.
I know there were times when they didn’t know what to do. They must surely have thought their prayers were answered when they found Serenity House.
Serenity House will always stay in my heart as a place of safety and rescue.
I am one of the lucky ones. I see so many people come to Missiondale who have no one. The ‘family like’ feeling here is obvious to everyone and they soon feel part of it. It’s like a miracle unfolding sometimes to watch and be part of the transformation of people’s lives as they work through the program here.
The program is hard, very hard and quite confronting. You really have to bare your soul to the core and it hurts. Tears were frequent as I worked through what the program threw at me but it enabled me to get to know myself in a way that had been thoroughly lost. I still remember one particular day here where I woke up and actually liked myself! I couldn’t remember when I last felt anything loving towards myself.
The days are long here, you live the program. I have been able to deal with problems that have built up over the years. I have learnt so much about myself and how I want to live my life.
I am coming to the end of the program and at the moment I am most likely going to continue on and do the next stage of the program. I want to be able to give back to those who have helped me so much and I do feel a strong affinity with so many of the residents here.
After working through the program I would love to be able to make the journey easier for others.